“Tell me some of your best qualities and some of your challenging qualities.” 

At how many job interviews have you been asked this question?

I spend a lot of time asking people questions like this in the hiring process to determine their ability to be self-aware. I pay close attention to how a candidate answers these questions because I believe the secret weapon to success in our lifetime is our ability to be self-aware, and to leverage that to influence people and impact their environment.

The biggest challenge leaders face today are blind spots. We don’t know what we don’t know, right? The corporate world is catching onto this, and bringing self-awareness to the forefront of leadership discussions. For example, I’ve noticed a surge in behavioral assessments and 360 degree surveys. Companies are realizing that teams have difficulty identifying their blind spots and how those interact, and that guidance toward self-awareness can help strengthen teams, making them more resilient, collaborative and synergistic.

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague said to me he didn’t care about how he came across because he was doing his job. This person said that staying true to what was most important in his life—succeeding at work—was what guided him. I listened and then asked if he felt that influencing people in a positive way would also be true to his calling. That began a dialogue around what self-awareness looks like, and how that can lead to more meaningful and productive relationships, which would ultimately help him do better in his job and be a more effective leader.

What is Self-Awareness Anyway?  
A common definition of self-awareness is “a conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives and desires.” What do you know about yourself that you carry in your awareness of how you come across, function in certain situations and behave? How does that knowledge guide your own behavior, and the way you speak and engage with others? The answers to those questions are directly related to your level of self-awareness.

Pressure to Be Less Self Aware

If we are present to life in a meaningful way, there is no doubt we can all relate to what a leader once said to me: “I don’t want to get me. When I become self-aware, it seems that I notice areas that I want to forget about, ignore or hide because they may not be pretty.” And that is what keeps many of us stuck on a “runaway path” rather than making peace with our own life, circumstances, intuitions and traits. 

Even though there is an entire body of research that proves the importance of self-awareness in leadership and its role in developing emotional intelligence, we still face societal norms that don’t make room for this kind of enlightenment and introspection. In fact, this license to be less aware drives us to become addicted to being busy. We fill our life with non-essential things that help us avoid the need for self-analysis.  

For current and future leaders, I would encourage you to pause and evaluate where you are on the self-awareness spectrum, and ask yourself how you can improve.

Here’s something you can do right now from your desk or on your phone. Start with a set of lists. Here are some suggested questions to get you started.

1. What are my strengths and weaknesses?
2. What are the things that frustrate me?
3. What makes me happy?
4. What environments make me afraid?
5. What people get on my nerves?
6. What type of person do I want to be?
7. What type of a friend do I want to be?
8. What type of a friend do I want to have?
9. What do I want to accomplish in life?

Once you make these lists, and answer these questions, you’re in the self-awareness process. As you answer these questions and others like them, you’ll want to keep thinking forward. How will you move into an environment where your answers to these questions inform your choices, how you engage with people, and ultimately if you lead well—or not so well? It’s your choice.